It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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