you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
