Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
