like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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