im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
