it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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