I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
