phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize