You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had sex on a roof
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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