What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize