Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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