I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
