he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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