She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize