life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
