remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
