I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
