Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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