you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
