were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
