Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
