fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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