wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
third nipple confirmed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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