No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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