On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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