you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
