I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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