Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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