The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
