if i died would you start the facebook group?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
