I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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