apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We need to get me chipped asap
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
