I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Duck Duck Cougar?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
