We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
