I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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