My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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