The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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