wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
