How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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