Moan for me like Helen Keller
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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