So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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