so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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