I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
