i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
