i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize