Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
