Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
