I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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