the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you inspire me to be a worse person
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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