We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
