Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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