You smell like stripper and shame
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
