apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
