I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's blow job season.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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