you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize