I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize