really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
