First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
