Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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