friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
