You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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