Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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