At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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