why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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