im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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