Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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