Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
