hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
