I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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